Limbo
Swimming in stagnation,
A mental degradation.
Regressing back in time,
To find what’s really mine.
A failure of development,
Due to arrogance and attitude.
Adamant refusal to change;
Hostility to those forcing me to act my age.
Yes, I realize you’re fed-up,
That you’ve all had enough,
Of a heartbreak that won’t heal,
A rejection that failed on appeal.
I don’t know what else to say,
But, at the beginning at each day,
I don’t want to leave my bed,
And I prefer silence in my head.
But, since I’m stuck in here,
Feeling unable to leave,
I’ll give your “program” some attention,
Reflect on my general direction.
“I’ll survive, I always do,”
Is reckless: That is true.
Chasing life without a thought,
Never questioning where I’ll end up.
Intuiting ahead,
Seeing where my path would end:
Alternating through extremes:
Missing opportunities.
Perhaps I need a shift,
Into a different perspective,
Take a moment to look through time,
Into the past-present-future of my life.
Looking back, unattached, third perspective on my last relapse.
Overly optimistic: I’ll admit this.
But, hearing enough horror stories to scare me back.
Questioning, what it is, that I value most.
Discovering, what I could lose, if I quit and relapse.
Looking ‘round, repetition, same plan as before.
Except for now, there’s no spark: I feel numb and bored.
Sleeping fine, eating well, working out each day.
Still don’t know, what it is, that I’m living for.
3,2,1…Mood! Funny how mistakes turn into miracles.
Looking out, overwhelmed, don’t know where to start.
How the Hell, do I afford, to clamber myself out?
Dug my grave, just to find: I have no cement.
All my plans, that I chose: I cannot afford.
“Great plan!” “That’s unique!” I’ve heard it all before.
Overthinking, undersocializing, can’t stop critiques from forming.
Running blind, still aligned, don’t know where I’m going.
Need a rhythm, that’s individual, not replicated from a hit.
Find motivation, perspiration, maybe even learn to dance.
Get receptive, perceptive: Count my Blessings in Disguise.
Royal Military College (RMC), Kingston, Ontario circa 2014
